Fallen
by YB Fan
Summary: The Higher you Climb, the Harder you Fall. The God has fallen, leaving behind the scattered remains of a broken human. Orihara Izaya had never thought he would fall. But the One Who Looks Over The Crowd will soon realize there are those who appreciate him on the day of birth of his existence. One-sided Izuo/Shizaya. Optional Sequel to The 4th of May


It was cold.

Izaya didn't know how long he knelt on the ground, sobbing from the agony of a broken heart. He only knew that when he finally raised his gaze, his eyes met familiar hazel eyes, and his heart stopped for a moment.

His quick senses took note of the situation – the wedding was over and the reception would be in progress soon if Shizuo had not just seen him.

Shizuo had seen him.

Shizuo moved, and Izaya chalked it up to an instinctive reaction when he stood up and fled.

Of all times for Shizuo to see him- why now? Why now when he was the most unstable he had ever been, when tears wouldn't stop pooling in his eyes?

"Izaya? Is that you?"

He didn't hear anything. That was just the wind.

It was quite a cold day, wasn't it.

"Izaya! Hey, Izaya!"

Izaya relished in the wind blowing past him as he ran- for that was why it was so cold- the weather was so cold that his body felt cold.

"Fucking flea! Stop running away, damn it!"

_Shit. Shit shit shit, don't-_

But it was too late, he had turned around – damn Shizuo making use of his instinctive reaction to confront the monster –and was looking at Shizuo running towards him in his perfect white tuxedo.

Izaya froze in the presence of his secret, unrequited love, averting his gaze and hoping Shizuo wouldn't see the tears in his eyes.

...

"Izaya," he heard the voice that made his heart pound painfully say, "Why are you here?"

"None of your business, Shizu-chan." Izaya managed. For some insane reason, he was rooted to the spot, unable to move. Just what tactic had Shizuo used now? "Why do you even care?"

...

"Hey…Shizuo…!" He heard another familiar voice enter the scene. "So this is…where…you…were! Why…did you…leave…!"

"Shinra."

"Ah…Wait…Izaya?"

Shizuo seemed to ignore Shinra's presence. He gritted his teeth, and Izaya would have been gratified to see that familiar anger flashing in the blond's eyes, had he been looking at him, "If you wanted to be invited you could have just asked, damn it!" He roared, and Shinra jolted, "Damn flea, not pissing me off for so long and then pissing me off on my wedding day!"

"Shizuo…" Shinra voiced as if he had caught sight of the tears in Izaya's eyes.

_Wedding day. Wedding day. _The words resounded in Izaya's head until he snapped and yelled, barely holding back tears, "Like I knew you even had a _wedding day_!" Izaya bellowed, "You stupid, unpredictable _brute_!" _Breaking my heart in two like this- and now you want to shatter it into pieces?!_

_"You bastard! Did you have to break my heart like this- did you have to shatter it into pieces?! Why couldn't you just tell me you loved her?!"_

Izaya winced. How low he had fallen if he was comparing his thoughts to a mere human's whose heartbreak he had orchestrated.

Shizuo looked surprised for a moment at Izaya raising his voice, before his eyes narrowed and anger took over. He reached out and grabbed Izaya's arm roughly, jerking him towards him, "Listen here, you shitty _flea_-"

"_DON'T_ TOUCH ME!"

"Izaya!" Shinra yelled as the informant tore away from a stunned Shizuo and fled, "IZAYA!"

_Get away, get away. I have to fucking get away! _

Izaya ran, he ran even though he knew Shizuo wasn't chasing him- Shizuo never chased him now, Shizuo was just finding him, for why would Shizuo chase him on his wedding day? He wasn't the bride, he wasn't even invited to the fucking wedding in the first place!

There were footsteps behind him, but he knew it wasn't Shizuo –

Shizuo didn't run like that, he stomped like the beast he was, and he never got tired from chasing him.

But that was in the past.

Orihara Izaya knew the past mattered to others- to his precious humans-

But he had never thought the past mattered to him until that moment in time.

...

...

...

Izaya stopped still at a tree, his head lowered as the footsteps stopped and his pursuer breathed, "Hey…Izaya. Damn…you…sure…run fast!"

...

"…Are…you alright?"

He didn't answer. _I'm not alright. Is that what you expect me to say, Shinra? _The tears stung his eyes. _You of all people…I trusted you. You were my only…friend. _He bit his lip. _Why don't you just go back to your beloved Celty already? When's the wedding, huh?_

Control. He was losing control.

And for once, he didn't know how to gain it back.

"Izaya…" he heard Shinra's voice. There was an extended pause, before his only friend said, "I'm sorry."

Something in his voice made the informant snap, and he whirled, flinging himself at the other man and almost lifting him up by the collar – until he remembered he had his knife with him (he wouldn't resort to such crude physical violence like the brute- and why the fucking hell didn't he use it on Shizuo just now?), which he held to the underground doctor's neck, a snarl leaving his lips.

"You knew." Izaya's red eyes flashed, and his hand almost trembled in an effort to control his anger, "You fucking knew!?"

Shinra didn't flinch as the sharp blade pressed itself against his jugular. He placed a hand on Izaya's wrist, looking at him with a rare seriousness in his eyes. "Yes." He said. "I knew."

"Why…why didn't you _tell _me?!"

Shinra smiled sadly at him. "You needed to figure out your feelings yourself."

"Oh?" Izaya's lips curled in a sneer, as he moved his knife precisely in such a way that the tip nicked a tiny cut in his friend's neck, drawing blood. He glared as Shinra flinched. "So tell me Shinra," he leaned forward, frustration burning in crimson eyes, "What do I do now that I've finally figured it out?!"

"Izaya," Shinra sighed, looking down at him, "Would you have believed me if I told you anyway?" He said calmly- as calm as he could with Izaya's knife at pressing down on his jugular, "You've believed you've hated Shizuo for so long," he smiled wryly. "How would you react if someone told you, you were in love with him?"

"That you, Orihara Izaya, was in love with Heiwajima Shizuo?"

. . .

"…You're not just anyone." Izaya admitted in a quiet voice. He sighed and looked away, removing the knife from the man's neck, "You're my…friend, Shinra." _My only friend_.

Friend. The word seemed so foreign, tasted so foreign on his lips. Izaya had had no need for friends, only acquaintances and occasional companions. But he could admit it to Shinra now, that he was his friend. He had always been. Now that he knew what it felt like to be completely alone, not just in solitude, but alone, the least the only one who had ever enjoyed his company deserved was to hear that he did consider their acquaintance a friendship.

"Ah. After about ten years I finally get you to admit it," Shinra said with a joking smile. He placed a hand on Izaya's shoulder. "You would have believed me?"

"I trusted you." Izaya said almost forlornly, and Shinra didn't miss how the past tense was used. He sighed and clutched at his hair in a rare expression of weariness. "Even if I didn't believe- don't you think something so," he grimaced, "Important – don't you think you should have let me know?"

...

"…Sorry." Shinra said sincerely. He removed his hand from Izaya's shoulder, and pushed up his glasses, "I guess I haven't changed. I'm not an observer of humans like you," he sighed, shoving his hands in his pockets, and it was then that Izaya noticed that for once, the doctor wasn't dressed in his white lab coat but a white tuxedo. "I have no care for humans, only my dear Celty," his eyes glimmered and his lips curved into a wry smile as he looked at Izaya. "I have no qualms with treating you and my other clients, but involving myself in humans' personal lives," he shrugged. "That's a different thing altogether."

"Is that what you see me as? Just another human?"

Shinra looked at him. "So even you can feel envy." He said. Izaya looked at him sharply but he merely smiled. "Yes. Maybe. Of course, you're my friend, and I treat my friends well for my beloved Celty," he smiled again and brushed his hair back and Izaya felt a slight pang. "But, informing you about your feelings for Shizuo is not necessary for our friendship, see?" He spread his hands. "I only do things that are necessary. Look at it this way, Izaya. You toy with humankind to see their reactions. But I don't' care for their reactions at all." He nodded.

"I only care about Celty's reaction."

...

...

...

Detached- completely detached from humankind; that was the real persona of Kishitani Shinra. Izaya had always known that, but it was a different thing to hear Shinra speak about himself- in that detached, scientific manner. Speak about him as if he was only a variable in the doctor's plans for courting Celty.

"What about Shizuo? He's a monster." The words slipped past before he could stop them.

"He's not. He's human." Shinra said. "I considered him as a sort of experiment for a while, I mean, such incredible strength!" He turned his gaze to Izaya, "But he's human. Surely you see that now."

"What about yourself?" Izaya looked at him. "You're human too, Shinra."

He didn't know why he was asking Shinra so many questions, maybe it was because he didn't want to be left alone, even if the doctor only pretended to want to keep him company, or maybe it was because he was trying to distract himself from the pain in his heart. But his curiosity had been peeked, he'd always observed Kishitani Shinra as an individual subject, not like Shizuo, but something of an anomaly altogether, one who was human yet did not care for humans.

To his surprise, Shinra chuckled, "Ah yeah, I thought about that!" He said, smiling brightly. "But you know, before I met Celty, I wasn't really- alive. I was smart even at a young age but I felt that existing- was boring," he shrugged. "I found my solace in science, so many different theories, so many discoveries to be made!" He held his hands out, smiling, "Until I met Celty."

"Celty…she told me I'm her salvation." Shinra gave a happy sigh as Izaya eyed him silently. "But the truth is, she's my salvation. She's always been. Because of her, I learnt to appreciate life, I could care about myself," he turned and smiled at Izaya. "I made friends. So, the only human I'm interested in is myself," he laughed, and grinned, "Because my actions and words affect Celty, the one I love. I have to understand myself as a human being, before I can understand my Dullahan love."

"It's kind of the opposite with you, you know?" Shinra smiled. "You love Shizuo but you hate him because you thought he was a monster. So you brought yourself to hate him first before you could understand that you actually loved him," he sighed lightly, and flicked a hand, "Love and hate are two sides of the same coin after all," he held out his hand as Izaya opened his mouth, grinning, "And before you ask, Celty and I have no room for hate. My love for her is too great to make way for any hate."

I have completely accepted," he brought his hand to his heart, his voice soft and a genuine smile on his lips. "That I love her."

Izaya almost smirked. "…You're weird, Shinra." He rolled his shoulders back, "Why are you here then? Celty didn't ask you to talk to me, did she? This," he swept out a hand, "Isn't necessary for our friendship, is it?"

Shinra blinked, then shrugged with a smile, "Because if I didn't come after you, our friendship would be destroyed."

"What does that have to do with Celty?"

"It doesn't." Izaya blinked. "I came after you on my own accord."

"…You're contradicting yourself, Shinra."

Shinra laughed sheepishly, raising a hand to the back of his head, "Am I? Well, maybe I just wanted someone to tell all this to!" He smirked and Izaya blinked. "I'm a bit confused myself, to tell the truth. Why did I come after you if not for Celty?"

Izaya blinked again and Shinra gave him a wry smile, "Well, I guess it was for myself," he said nonchalantly. "I wanted to see my own reaction to an unexpected situation."

"It seems," Shinra's smile grew genuine. "It's not just for Celty anymore. It's for myself and my friend."

Despite everything, Izaya found himself smiling a little. "You're really screwed up, Shinra." He said softly.

Of course Shinra couldn't be like normal people. He had to make friends because of his love. He didn't actually care about them if it wasn't for his love. But because he also learnt that he himself was important to Celty, he learnt to appreciate himself. And when that happened, only then did he appreciate his friends and truly come to care for them for his own sake and feelings.

Izaya shook his head. He would never understand this man. Kishitani Shinra was the one human being he couldn't understand.

...

Shinra just smiled. "I'm not sure how to begin this," he said, sliding his hands into his pockets, "But, do you want to talk?"

"What's there to talk about?" Izaya allowed himself a moment of weakness, as his shoulders slouched and his voice was filled with bitterness.

"Well I don't know," Shinra said. Izaya could imagine him pushing his glasses up, the sunlight glinting off them, "But, you look like you don't want to be left alone."

"I don't mind being alone." Izaya lied, "Just don't leave me alone with Shizuo."

"Is that so? Then. I guess I'll leave."

He heard Shinra's footsteps as the underground doctor left- left him. All alone. Part of him wanted to reach out- and he had to clench his fist, because he was Orihara Izaya and he wouldn't- he couldn't give in-

"Oh yeah, I'll make sure Shizuo doesn't bother you! Haha well I'm sure he's pretty occupied anyway, you know, with his wife. She's really pretty, don't you think? Ah, not as pretty as my Celty of course!"

The tears fell from his eyes, and he only knew when a sob escaped his throat. He didn't look when the pace of the footsteps increased, until his chin was tilted up and he was forced to meet that familiar pair of black eyes.

"Ah, I was right," Shinra said in that detached way of his, with that wry smile, "You're easier to predict than you think, Izaya."

Those black eyes scanned him- scanned him as though he was an experiment, as though his emotional reactions, his tears were recorded down as mere observations. And the epiphany struck Izaya; that he was really screwed up – if the only friend he had saw him as a mere subject.

But Shinra…he was all he had right now. Perhaps Shinra had been all he had. The fact came crushing down on him harder than one of Shizuo's vending machines and a choked sound escaped his throat.

"Look at you," Shinra was saying, smile almost amused, "Orihara Izaya, reduced to tears…" he murmured, "At having his heart broken for the first time. The heart he didn't even know he had."

"Shut up…" Izaya said weakly, and immediately wanted to stab his own voice with his knife.

"You're really vulnerable now, aren't you?" He could imagine there was cruelty in Shinra's words.

"If I leave, you'll break won't you? Izaya."

...

Torture. This was torture. Psychological torture. If there was one way to describe a complex being like Shinra, the informant would use the word, "casually cruel". Izaya cried for the second time in years as Shinra shot at him with words, cruel words that made his tired eyes overwhelmed with tears. Of how the great Orihara Izaya had fallen- fallen so low, fallen by his own plan, his own tactics with the monster whom he had denied to be the love of his life. How the only one he had left was a doctor detached from the world, who only cared for his Dullahan wife-to-be. How he was alone- how he was the only one alone- for everyone else had someone; Mikado had Anri, Masaomi had Saki, Shizuo, his Shizu-chan had Vorona, and Shinra had Celty- and how he would be alone for the rest of his life.

"Stop…" Izaya was close to pleading. "Shinra. Please stop…"

"Why? Words are your favourite weapon, aren't they?" Shinra said, hard grip still on his wet chin, "Are you going to be outdone by them as well?" An amused smile was directed his way. Amusement at his pain. "Izaya?"

"What do you want from me," Izaya sobbed, "Shinra-why-"

Why? Why was Shinra doing this? Why- was he being so cruel? Why was Shinra, his only friend, attacking him at his weakest moment- betraying him like this?

"I don't know," Shinra said contemplatively, as if it didn't matter to him at all, "But wow Izaya, you're pretty when you cry. Come to think of it, you do have a pretty face. Nowhere near my beloved Celty of course, but maybe you could find someone with that pretty face of yours. Ah but then you'll have to hide your hideous personality, won't you? If not no one will be with you that way. Other than a one night stand."

Izaya's eyes widened, and filled with tears. Was Shinra…was Shinra calling him a whore? Was Shinra suggesting that he give up his body to strangers- to mere humans who weren't even worth his time?

Was that what he had been reduced to?

Was that how far he had fallen?

"…I was joking." Shinra said, and Izaya stared. "Well, half! Ah, but I always wanted to do that! See your reaction." He smiled in amusement, "After all, you like to observe humans' reactions, don't you? Until you've forgotten you yourself are human."

"I must admit, I didn't expect you to start crying, you know. Well, you are pretty when you cry, and it's not really any of my business if you could find someone who likes that pretty face of yours," Shinra drifted off.

"I'm not…" Izaya said softly, voice choked with tears.

"Then," Izaya stilled as Shinra's finger brushed against his cheek, and he looked up to see Shinra holding his palm towards him. "What is this?"

"This," he had never seen Shinra's eyes so serious before, "Is proof of your emotions. It's proof that you're human, Izaya."

"So, stop lying to yourself."

...

Izaya stared at the single tear drop Shinra had collected on his index finger, then allowed himself to collapse onto the ground for the first time in his life, burying his face in his hands.

"You really are cruel, Shinra."

"I'm merely being honest." He could hear from Shinra's voice that he had moved closer. "I know honesty is a foreign, abhorrent concept to a pathological liar like you, but it's time you dealt with it."

"Shut up."

Shinra waited until Izaya exhaled, then looked at him. He smiled sweetly, "Ready to show your pretty face to your beloved humans again, Izaya?"

"You know I'm in no state to do that." Izaya muttered bitterly.

Shinra sighed, "How long do I have to stay here?" He bemoaned, "My beloved Celty is missing me! I'm sure she is!"

"You can go," Izaya rasped, not meeting Shinra's eyes. He inhaled, trying to regain the usual smoothness to his voice, "You don't have to stay, Shinra. I'm fine. Go to Celty."

Shinra said nothing as Izaya wrapped his arms around himself and rested his chin on his knees. But as Izaya closed his eyes, he felt an arm wrap around his back and for a second, his head rested against another human's chest, and he heard the steady beating of another human's heart.

And then the sensation was gone as Izaya snapped open his eyes in surprise. But the warmth was still there as he watched Shinra walk away, waving his hand, "Then, I'm going."

"H-Have a safe trip," Words he had never thought he would ever say inadvertently left his lips, and he felt his cheeks warm as Shinra turned and looked at him in surprise. "W-What?"

"Nothing," Shinra said, the look in his eyes fond. He turned back around.

"See you, Izaya."

"See you, Shinra," Izaya said, and hesitated before he said with every emotion in his heart he had buried deep away for years-

"Thank…you."

. . .

"You're welcome." Shinra said casually, but there was warmth in his voice, the same warmth Izaya had felt when his only friend had brought him close and gave him the comfort he so desperately needed.

The warmth squeezed his heart in a reassuring way, and Izaya found himself smiling genuinely, his eyes slipping closed as a lone warm tear slipped down his cheek.

It was the first time he had felt the warmth of a friend.


End file.
